By now you have read or heard of the story of the 15 year-old Phoebe Prince who commits suicide after relentless bullying by a group of student in her high school. It happened in Massachusetts but it could happen anywhere. Teen bullying behavior has become increasingly visible if not more prevalent. If you haven’t read of this most recent tragedy and would like to learn more you can click here.
I was about to blog on another subject before I heard this story and decided to address it. But I am not going to address the obvious topic: bullying. Many will address that over the next week or two but I believe there is another more important aspect: hopelessness.
People don’t commit suicide unless they feel hopeless. When assessing suicide risk I am always most concerned about the level of hopelessness someone is experiencing. This teenager obviously was out of hope and she hung herself. There is, in this story, the outrage of the bullying and the tragedy of Phoebe’s hopelessness.
We, the adults, must consistently communicate to our teens the hope that lies in their present and especially in their future. We must remember that they don’t have perspective. To them today will never end. The problems of the moment are often overwhelming.
This is partly a neurological issue. Adolescents live in a part of their brain that is highly reactive but not very reflective. Therefore they overreact and are impulsive. They lose hope because they can’t see hope. They react because they don’t have good judgment and impulse control.
Suicide is an impulsive act at any age. Usually if a suicidal person can be helped to delay their impulse they will, upon reflection, realize that they don’t really want to act on their suicidal ideation. And this is especially true with teens. If we can help them to believe there is hope then they will endure their present distress for the promise of the future.
Of course we must teach our kids to be kind and to refrain from initiating or joining the bullying. In fact, we need to encourage them to have character and stand for those who are bullied. And we must come along side our teens and embrace them, literally and figuratively, so they feel the comfort of our love and support.
But just as important we must insist that our teens have hope. We must communicate that we will help them and we will help them help themselves with their current stresses. And we must teach them the importance of persistence and the pay off that comes with not giving up. We must communicate the idea that all things will pass. We must inspire them to dream of better times. We must help them to embrace those things they do control so they feel empowered even in the face of problems. And we must speak to them of faith and of the fact that there is a plan for their life and the plan is not for them to be miserable.
Unfortunately this is a blog too late for Phoebe but not for your teen. Take heed. Be proactive. And remember, they must always have hope!