When I was growing up I had the good fortune to be a student of a school district that gave two grades in every subject. On every report card there would be a grade received for the subject and then a grade given for effort made in that class. So, for example, I might get a C in math but if the teacher thought I made a strong effort she might give me a B+ for effort. While unlikely, it was feasible that a student could get failing grades and yet have straight A’s for effort. Of course the opposite was possible for a very gifted student but I wasn’t one of those.
My second stroke of good fortune was that my parents were wise and paid more attention to my effort grades. I can remember my dad telling me that he was most interested and concerned that I do the best that I could. He said he could live with whatever grade I received as long as the teacher felt I had put my all in to it. And they lived it. My effort grades were what they and I were more concerned with.
New research shows that my school district and my parents understood a critical relationship between praise and performance. Praising results exclusively may actually have the effect of decreasing the quality of performance. It seems that with too much emphasis on performance the pressure builds and, after a while, kids fear that they won’t be able to keep it up. They actually become demoralized and less motivated. These are the teens that are afraid to try new things for fear of looking silly and not succeeding.
Instead the research suggests that parents would do better by their kids to praise the process and not the outcome. Tell them you appreciated how hard they studied even though they didn’t get a desired grade on the test. Be positive about their hustle of the basketball court even if they didn’t have particularly impressive statistics.
The research suggests that parents be specific about what they are praising. Generalized praise is largely ineffective. Excessive praise decreases intrinsic motivation. We want our teens to seek their own sense of satisfaction for their effort and results more than seeking external praise. And, of course, the praise must be genuine. Teens know insincerity.
So once again my folks were right. How did they know what to do when this research wasn’t even available back then? It always amazes me that they had such fine instincts. And hopefully we do too. But it’s nice to know we now have science to confirm our time tested wisdom.