If you haven’t already read the works of Gary Chapman on Love Languages I highly recommend that you do. If you have read Dr. Chapman’s ideas but realize that you are not using them then I would encourage you to review his materials. In my thirty plus years of studying psychology and working with people I have run across few ideas that are so utterly practical and effective.
As you may know I believe that you parent out of either love or fear. There is no other emotion that drives your parenting behavior but one of these two and they can not coexist. I believe you love your teen but you can love them with all of your heart and still be motivated to act out of fear when parenting them.
The only two antidotes to fear are faith and understanding. Faith of course means turning over your fear to God. This is the most effective antidote to fear. But increased understanding is also very effective. The better we understand ourselves and our teens the more we can let go of the need to control which stems from our fear. And when we let go of fear and control we can then bath in the peace and confidence that comes from better understanding them and being motivated by appreciation and love in all of our parenting efforts.
Dr. Chapman’s Love Languages are a quick and easy yet highly useful and effective way to more fully engage your teen and thereby influence them in love. They also help you better understand your spouse, your boss, your sister and brother, even your adversary. Now I suspect you would agree that it would be worth familiarizing your self with these ideas and then implementing them!